Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?
WisdomWayfinder: How can I improve my ability to handle stress and pressure?
Douglas: I find it encouraging the way you phrased this question. You asked how to improve your ability to handle stress. So often, the question that I see is how do I eliminate stress and pressure. For me, the latter is a bit too Pollyanna and misses the mark. I believe and what I have read supports the idea that some stress and pressure can be very beneficial. Stress and pressure are what help you finish a task under a deadline. However, too much stress and pressure can cause you to freeze and not make any progress. I suppose Stress and pressure can reach a level of too much of a good thing.
However, you have asked how to handle stress and pressure and that shows a much more effective position. You seem to acknowledge that stress and pressure are a thing and want to be able to manage them, not eliminate them.
There are a variety of types of stress and before you can handle them, you need to know what kind of pressure it is. If you are feeling stressed about completing a task, then for my money, the best tool in your kit is goal setting and planning. If you know what you want to accomplish and have a plan to get there, you can lean on your plan. I find that most often this kind of stress occurs when things don’t go according to plan. This is when you need to channel your flexibility. An effective plan includes two things related to this: 1.) backup plans for when things go sideways, and 2.) resources for when you encounter unexpected challenges. Who are your “go-to” people? Managing the stress in this situation is based on realizing that you can handle what comes your way (if you are doubtful of this, take a moment to relive and celebrate the moments when you successfully handle stressful situations).
If your stress and pressure are coming from a person, chances are communication will be your best tactic in handling this situation. Start with a conversation with yourself. What about this relationship is causing you stress? Who in the relationship is creating the stress? What actions are leading to the stress? What can you do personally to mitigate the stress? Then, once you have your house in order, you need to communicate with the other person. In most cases, the stress is shared between the people in the relationship so own your baggage. Acknowledge where you have the power to intervene. Then, using “I” statements, share with the other person how their actions are affecting you. Ask them for solutions they might see to the challenge. Then together, develop a plan for how to alleviate the situation in the future.
Interesting how having a plan was part of this discussion as well. That is not a coincidence. In many cases, a plan with help manage the stress you are feeling. Knowing there is a plan can provide a great deal of strength in handling stress.
This is one of those moments where I “toe up the line” between therapy and coaching. And before I do, I will remind you that I am not and have no interest in becoming a therapist. As I was discussing with my therapist, I want to help you examine the present and look forward and a therapist's job is to help you overcome things from your past that are challenging you today. If, as you start to understand your stress, or if despite your best efforts you can’t find a way to understand your stress, the greatest tool you have is a competent and supportive therapist. For all of us, we need to know when it is time to seek the help of someone who can help us get past our blockages. And sometimes, when it comes to stress, we approach an unhealthy level that starts to impact our mental health. It is at this point that you need to seek help. If you are not sure whether or not you have reached this point, I believe an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Reach out and talk to someone before it becomes unmanageable.
I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!
Be Well!
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