Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?
ClarityCompass: What can I do to improve my self-awareness?
Douglas: Self-awareness is an important skill. It is our ability to objectively assess who we are without judgment. It allows us to recognize our strengths and weaknesses. It can also include judging our behavior and decision-making against an internal standard. The more self-aware we are the better we are equipped to take responsibility for our actions. We are less likely to attribute the things that happen to us to external sources (e.g. “I got that promotion by luck” or “I got a good grade in the class because the teacher doesn’t like me”). Additionally, the more self-aware we are the less likely we are to be hyper-critical of ourselves. We can acknowledge our failings, but we also recognize the control we have to improve.
It is great that you are asking this question because improving our self-awareness has a variety of benefits.
Lower Stress – When we are more self-aware we are less likely to be caught off guard in difficult situations. We tend to have a more positive self-image and we are more empathic and understanding of others. These can all lead to lower stress levels.
Better decision-making skills – As a result of a deeper understanding of self, we tend to be more confident, which leads to stronger decision-making. We are more clear and intentional with our actions.
Improved emotional regulation – As we become more aware of our feelings and actions we are better able to regulate how we respond in tense situations.
The fact that you are asking this question leads me to believe you are ready to be more self-awareness. Here are a few tips that might help you grow a little bit.
Practice mindfulness – Making time to quietly and deliberately focus your gaze inward without judgment can help you to develop self-awareness. When I first started mindfulness, I sat for just five minutes and focused on being aware of my breath. I spend that time feeling and recognizing the interplay of inhalation and exhalation. When I became comfortable with that, I increased it to ten minutes and added being aware of places in my body where I felt tension. You have to start somewhere and as I often suggest, start small. If five minutes is too long, try one minute. If that is too long try thirty seconds. The point is to start somewhere that you can be successful!
Keep a Journal – We all have thousands of thoughts every day. If you are anything like me, you forget a lot of them. I have found journaling to be very effective in clarifying my thoughts. To start, just spend ten minutes writing whatever comes to mind. If a thought enters your conscious mind, write it down (or draw, whatever works for you). Don’t try to make it grammatically perfect, just write. After you get into the habit of writing every day, start to ask yourself guided questions. When asking guided questions, reflect on situations that happen throughout your day. Ask WHAT questions, not WHY questions. You can’t answer why questions about your behavior because that requires you to understand your unconscious mind. Instead, by asking what questions you are analyzing concrete information (e.g. “What was I thinking when that situation happened that caused me to feel like I wasn’t good enough?”, “What physical sensations did I experience?” “What did I do at the meeting that positively affected the outcome?”).
Ask trusted others about their perception of you – Feedback can be very helpful as you develop your self-awareness. People can help you see things from a perspective you don’t have. Make sure to ask specific questions about particular situations (“How did I react when I found out ____?”). Then you can check your feedback against what you thought about the same situation. If there are places where the answers differ, you may have a blind spot you need to address.
Accept yourself – As you are engaging in self-awareness, you have to accept yourself for who you are. You can change things you don’t like, but you have to first accept them. It is also important to avoid beating yourself up on your self-awareness journey. This should not be an exercise in recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and then trashing yourself as a bad person for your weaknesses. Self-awareness is about giving you the chance for personal growth, not putting yourself on trial.
I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!
Be Well!
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